


Drowning on Dry Land

by MyShipSailsHere



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 9-1-1 Season 3, And they thought he would die, Angst with a Happy Ending, Buck collapsed, Buck in the hospital, But there is a lot of injury related to the tsunami, Canon Compliant, Crying, Cuddles, Depressed Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie sobbing, Eddie speaking spanish, Emotional BUck, Emotional Eddie, He is also depressed and has thoughts about if he had died, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Lost Christopher, M/M, Soft Buck, Until Season 3 episode 2, hurt Buck, praying, sad buck, there is no death, tsunami
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2020-11-27 07:20:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20944493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyShipSailsHere/pseuds/MyShipSailsHere
Summary: In the aftermath of Season 3 episode 2, Buck must find Christopher. He won't survive this if he doesn't.DO NOT add this fic (or any others of mine) to any other websites beside my own posts on Wattpad, this includes Goodreads and any other sites or apps. If you see any on there, feel free to report them because they do not have permission.





	1. Aftermath of the Second Wave

Buck’s heart went to his throat when the fire truck lurched forward and he turned around to find Christopher missing. 

He felt his voice crack around Christopher’s name as he threw himself into the water screaming. 

He pushed himself through the water as it receded, yelling Christopher’s name. Hoping the water had gone down enough that Christopher would be able to stay safe… As long as he survived the wave. 

He screamed himself hoarse, begging every person he passed for even a clue as to where his boy could be. When he felt like he was just going to fall into the water and give up, a glint of red caught his eye. 

Christopher’s glasses. They were floating in the water, tangled in a clump of leaves. His vision swam. Christopher had to be close right? His couldn't see without his glasses. He had to be here somewhere. Buck turned in circles scanning the water for any other sign of Christopher, but found no other trace of him.

Tears burned at the back of his eyes. If anyone had to be lost in this storm, why couldn’t it be him? Why did it have to be the sweet little boy; who just wanted to cheer him up? Who smiled brighter than the sun and always believed in himself. Who Buck loved as his own, regardless of the unrequited feelings he harbored for Eddie.

He worked the glasses out from within the leaves and debris, slipping them over his head for safe keeping. Fingering the strap gently as he tried to keep hope. Just holding them in his hands made him want to throw up. Christopher was alone, in freezing water, without his glasses. How would he know where to swim or avoid debris in the water without them? How would Christopher be able to see Buck or Eddie or anyone he knew might be there to rescue him? 

Buck had never been more scared in his life, not even when Maddie was taken. Even as hostage, Maddie was an adult and she was strong. But Chris was a kid. A little kid, who should be hugging the big bear they won right now, not fighting for his life. Seeing the glasses made Buck push himself even harder. 

He couldn’t lose him. Christopher needed him and he would push himself into the grave if it meant Chris was alright at the end of this. Christopher meant the world to him and it would destroy him if Christopher was hurt. He could survive never being a firefighter again, but losing Christopher would kill him. He would rather drown than tell Eddie that his son was gone. He needed to find him.

So he pushed himself further. Trudging through the knee deep water, yelling until his voice was barely a rasp, and praying to a god he barely believed in. 

He walked until it was dark, going up and down every side street, pushing his body harder than he had in months. Harder than his leg could probably handle without all the adrenaline. His bad leg screamed in protest, but he refused to stop. 

He went until his leg gave out and he collapsed onto his knees in the water, close to passing out, when he was dragged onto dry land. 

He thrashed away from the arms around his torso, barely hearing the person identify themselves. “Sir, Sir. Please calm down. I am a police officer. I am trying to help you.”

Buck stopped thrashing, but he didn’t calm down. “Need to find Christopher. Let go. Please. Christopher.”

He was set on a cot, where a nurse started to look over the cuts on his face, but the longer he sat there the more he panicked. He needed to keep searching for Christopher. Every second without him felt like he was drowning on dry land. 

“Sir, can you tell me your name?”

“Evan,-” he managed to gasp out, gripping the edge of the cot until his knuckles went white.

“Evan, I need you to breathe for me. You are hyperventilating.”

Buck tried to breathe, but his chest felt tight and his breaths were coming in sharp gasps, which made every word he tried to speak broken and practically unintelligible. 

“Chris-topher… Eigh-. CP. C-ereb-al Palsy. Plea-ase. – one--eight--teen.” 

“Sir, we will find your son. I will radio the other mobile hospitals to look for him, but I need you to calm down so I can check you over. What about the 118? Is there someone there that I can call? A spouse or a family member? Someone who can help you calm down?”

“Diaz….. 118...Ed-dee. sorry. Lossst Chris—”

“Okay, match my breathing Mr. Diaz. Officer Ryan will call him. I promise. Then we will find your son. Now, you need to calm down before I have to sedate you.” Buck focused all his energy on breathing, sucking in a deep harsh breath. He did not want to be sedated. He couldn't be. He still needed to find Christopher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta Read by the lovely httpstiles and danke.
> 
> Shorter chapters than I am used to. Sorry! Pretty please let me know what you think !


	2. A Call No One Wants

Eddie and Bobby were on their way back toward land in search of more survivors when the radio crackled to life. 

“This is Officer Ryan. For 118 Captain Nash, Do you copy? 118 Captain Nash, come in?” 

“This is Captain Nash. Go ahead.” 

“Captain, Firefighter Eddie Diaz is needed at Mobile Hospital One. His husband has been recovered and is inconsolable.” 

Eddie mouthed the word ‘Husband,’ but just stared at Bobby with furrowed brows.

Bobby’s face mirrored Eddie’s confusion. “I’m sorry Officer. Can you repeat? Did you say husband?”

“I have an Evan Diaz here, having a panic attack. Their child, an .... eight year old Christopher, was separated from him during the second wave.” 

Eddie’s heart dropped. They were supposed to be safe. At the movies. Not here. Not in this deadly wave. Not swimming in the freezing water, just to survive. 

He gripped the radio Bobby passed him tightly. “This is Firefighter Eddie Diaz. Is Evan okay?”

“He is finally breathing normally, sir. The nurse threatened to sedate him and he finally worked with her, but he looks ready to throw himself back into the water. He doesn’t seem to care about his exhaustion or his injuries. Only your son.” He was grateful to hear that Buck was breathing, but god his son was out there. His baby. 

“Where did my son go down?”He could feel the desperation edging into his voice and took a deep breath to steady himself.

Both men startled slightly when Buck’s voice rang over the line, shallow and hoarse. “136 firetruck, Santa Monica Blvd. Cross street 4th. Survivors up top. Chris fell backwards off the 4 side. I- I was helping survivors up. The wave, God. Eddie.. I swear, I was in the water 20 seconds later,” Buck took a gasping breath and the transmission cut out. The silence was deafening, before the officer came back on. “Mr. Diaz advises that the child is wearing a long-sleeved yellow shirt, and khakis, but doesn’t have his glasses or his crutches.”

Eddie felt seconds from his own panic attack and Bobby could probably tell, since he gently pried the radio from Eddie’s hands to respond, when Eddie just stared down at it. 

“Thank you, Officer. We are rerouting that way now. If there is any word on Christopher, please radio immediately. Can I have a status on Evan?” 

“Mr. Diaz is being calmed by a nurse. They believe that his panic and exhaustion are exacerbating his asthma, but at the moment he is not critical. We will radio if we have any news, Captain.” 

Eddie could feel Bobby's stare burning a hole through him. “Can you do this Eddie?”

“I won’t go back, Bobby. My son– I can’t just pretend he isn’t out here somewhere. He’s my baby.” Eddie felt himself slip into his military mindset almost involuntarily, steeling himself against the emotions already threatening to spill over. He couldn’t think of Buck nearly dying or that he was having trouble breathing now. Or Christopher being dead or dying out there. He couldn’t find Christopher like that. 

Eddie expected more of a fight from Bobby, but he just nodded before picking up his radio.

“Chim. Hen. Do you copy?”

“Copy, Cap. We are headed back out to meet you on Santa Monica and 4th.”

“Keep eyes out for any sign of Christopher from your direction, But help where you’re needed. As much as we all want to rush to find Christopher, we need to do our jobs, too. We are closer to the truck than you are, so we will start there. You start from dry land.”

“Copy.” 

Eddie leaned harshly against the edge of the raft, scanning the horizon for any sign of survivors, but mostly for his son. After three tours in the army, he never thought his wife or his son might die before him. It had never even been a possibility. He hadn’t been prepared to lose his wife and he wouldn’t survive losing his son. He just needed to find him. And hold him. He would feel better when he had Buck and Chris in his arms. When he knew they were both safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta Read by the lovely httpstiles and danke.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Sister, Sister

As soon as Buck could breathe properly, he shrugged off the nurse and began walking the rows of cots, scanning for Christopher. He could feel exhaustion on the edge of his mind, but shrugged it off and kept moving even though he was limping slightly from the pain in his bad leg. 

When he reached the end of the makeshift hospital, he begged a doctor to let him use his phone. Dialing Maddie’s number and praying that even though there was chaos going on, she would be able to answer her phone. He didn’t want to tie up the emergency line. Even though Christopher missing was an emergency– the worst one he had ever dealt with. 

“Maddie Buckley. 9-1-1 Dispatch.” Buck was so grateful that he could hear his sister’s voice again. But he wished it was under better circumstances.

“Maddie. It’s me.”

"Buck, where are you calling from? I don't recognize the number."

"I had to borrow someone's phone. That doesn't matter. I need your help, Maddie." Desperation leeched into his voice, but he held in his tears.

“Buck. I am coordinating the mobile hospitals from this number. I’m sorry, I know you wish you could be out there, but for once I am so glad you have a condition.”

Buck couldn’t help but sigh. “Maddie, I was on the pier with Christopher-”

“Oh, god. Evan. Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Her concern was evident, but she didn't seem to understand that he didn't matter. Only Christopher mattered. He needed to save him. 

“No, I'm fine, it doesn’t really matter anyway. Maddie. Christopher is gone.” A sob wrenched it’s way from his throat. “I lost him Maddie. God. It’s my fault. I should have held him and never let go once we were safe, but that second wave…”

“Buck, breathe. I have every mobile command coordinating with me right now. We will find him. But I need you to calm down and tell me what he was wearing the last time you saw him.”

“A yellow striped long sleeve, khakis, and sneakers. I have his glasses and we lost his crutches in the wave. God, Maddie. One of the last things he said to me was I saved him. And then I lost him.” Buck dropped down to the ground sobbing.

“Evan, you did so good. I am putting an alert out to every hospital right now. And every dispatcher here will be looking out for calls that could be him. We will find him. You kept him alive through a tsunami and now we will find him. It’s not just the 118 that loves him. Everyone is looking, I swear. Does Eddie know? Do I need to alert the 118?”

“He knows. They are out there looking. God, he is going to hate me.”

“Evan, you need to be calm and get looked over. Let us do the job now. You need to rest. You sound exhausted. No one will hate you. Especially not Eddie. You saved his son. Eddie could never hate you. I love you. Call me if you need meet come down there, okay?”

After the call, Buck wandered in a haze through the rows of people back toward the edge of the water where he was found. What good was he as a firefighter if he couldn’t save the people who mattered to him? Maybe he didn’t deserve to be one after all. Bobby was right to bench him. What kind of firefighter couldn’t get through a tsunami? Couldn’t save his loved ones? He obviously wasn’t good enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short Chapters. Sorry. 
> 
> Beta Read by the lovely httpstiles and danke.
> 
> Hope you like it.


	4. Bloody Desperation

Buck was startled out of his stupor by a man stepping in front of him, making him stumble back to avoid crashing into him.

“You’re Evan Buckley, right?” Buck recognized him as the officer who pulled him from the water, but couldn’t remember his name. 

His heart went to his throat and he had to really work to keep himself calm. “Yes. Did you find Christopher?”

An apologetic look crossed the man’s face, which made Buck wince. “No word yet. Your sister called from dispatch. She told me you are an off duty firefighter with the 118, so I figured you might want to give me a hand unloading the survivors from the rafts, while you wait for news about your son.” 

“Not off duty. Medical leave while I did physical therapy.” He informed him through gritted teeth.

But the Officer just chuckled. “Yeah, she said that too. But if you’re willing to help I won’t turn you away just because you’re not cleared. We could use the extra hands.”

Buck shrugged, shoving his hands in his jeans pockets. They were still soaked and he was wrapped in a blanket because of the chill. “I’m sorry, but I need to keep looking for Christopher. My son is out there alone and needs me to find him,” He tugged the blanket tighter against him, “But, I need to go to the 118 truck first. Where is it parked?” Calling Christopher his son slipped out like second nature, as though it was something he had always done. Because it didn’t matter that Christopher wasn’t his blood, he loved him like his own and would die before he let today be the last time he saw that sweet smile. 

The officer pointed toward the group of emergency vehicles, but grabbed Buck by the arm when he went to leave. “I can’t just let a civilian into the emergency vehicles.”

“Officer, you just acknowledged that I’m an off duty 118 firefighter. I need to get dry clothes. I am freezing and I can’t search properly while wrapped in a blanket. Eddie always keeps a spare set in the truck. Would you like to call my husband while he’s searching for Christopher and ask his permission?” Buck stared him down, with a raised eyebrow. He hated lying about being married to Eddie, but the officer had already assumed. Besides this might be the only time Buck got to call Eddie his husband. 

The officer eyed him warily before nodding and releasing him. 

Being back inside the 118 ladder truck, even just to grab Eddie’s extra shirt, was surreal. It was all Buck had wanted for months, all he had pushed himself for, but now it didn’t even matter. Being a firefighter again didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was Christopher. Finding him alive and getting him back to Eddie. Eddie who had trusted him with his whole world. He couldn’t let him down. He needed to find Chris and keep him safe. 

Buck tugged on Eddie’s spare 118 t-shirt, surprised by how it hung off his shoulders slightly. Before he was hurt, Buck and Eddie were almost the same size and even worked out together a lot, but with his recovery he hadn’t been able to work out to the same extent right away. And Eddie had definitely spent that time bulking up. He shivered slightly at the thought of Eddie being bigger than him. 

He shrugged off any lingering thoughts about Eddie. This really wasn’t the time. Instead he focused on Chris and getting to the secondary mobile hospital by the Cupcakery bakery that a passing doctor had directed him too. He would scour every inch of Santa Monica before he gave up on finding him. 

The further he got from the first mobile hospital the more desperate Buck became. His body was starting to fail him. His leg was burning, and his ribs were at the very least bruised. His throat was sore and barely more than a rasp, but he kept shouting for Christopher and pushing through the pain, needing the boy to hear him, even if he couldn’t see him. 

He limped through the crowd just outside the tents begging anyone for a sign of Chris, when his breath caught in his chest. Just across the street was a little boy with a striped shirt, clinging to a woman. 

_Christopher._

He shoved himself through the rest of the horde of people, throwing himself to the floor in front of him.

“Christopher!! I’m here. Don’t worry. I’m he–” He was cut off mid ramble, by the woman yanking the boy away. And he finally got a glimpse at his face.

Not Christopher. 

His vision swam as he stood. He couldn’t even muster up the strength to apologize to them. He wasn’t going to find him. He would have to tell Eddie that he lost his baby. That it was all his fault. He wasn’t strong enough for this. Christopher needed him to be strong, but he couldn’t even hold on to him. 

A hand on his shoulder dragged him back to reality. 

“Mister, are you okay? You’re bleeding.” The teen pointed down at his arm, which Buck was shocked to see dripping with blood. That was new. 

He stumbled back to lean against a car, trying to breathe and keep himself calm. 

“Fine. Need to tie it off. Need to find Christopher.” He murmured softly, before his vision blurred and he collapsed into the arms of strangers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my lovely and amazing Beta, httpstiles.
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated, so pretty please comment!


	5. Momentary Relief

Normally when a disaster happened, Eddie was able to keep his cool and save lives because that was his job. But this tsunami was kicking his ass. He had been prepared for it to be awful and for the high death toll, but nothing could prepare him for what he would feel with his own child and his– Buck being out there somewhere. 

He dropped Firefighter Bosco off at the Veteran’s hospital, even though he would much rather be out in the streets searching for his son. 

When his eyes landed on the coughing boy sitting beside his mother, all Eddie could see for a moment was Chris. But as quickly as the thought came, it was shoved aside as he lurched forward to the child whose coughing suddenly worsened.

“Kyle, what’s wrong?” The woman shouted frantically.

“He’s drowning.” Eddie stated calmly, grabbing the boy, and laying him on his side on the floor. He used a flashlight to check the boy’s throat, identifying the blockage, and quickly removed it so he could cough up the water that had been suffocating him. 

“Short breaths, Kyle. Nice and easy,” He waved the stretcher toward him. “All right. On three. One. Two. Three.”

He settled the boy on the stretcher with a mask and let the doctors take him away. 

Bosco started to talk to him, but he ignored her in favor of a stressed doctor.

“Paramedic?”

“No, but I was a medic in the service.” Eddie offered quietly. 

“In case you couldn’t tell, we are severely shorthanded. Any chance you could lend a hand?” He pleaded. 

“I’m sorry. I wish I could help, but my son is out there. He’s only eight.” 

The doctor nodded understandingly. “If you find him and can lend a hand after, we will welcome it. For now if you go to the tent outside, they have a list of all the patients.”

He shook the man’s hand quickly, then sprinted outside leaving Bosco behind.

He flagged down a woman holding a clipboard. “Hi, excuse me. I’m looking for my son. He’s got brown hair. Chris– Christopher.”

The woman gives him a soft look before asking, “How old?”

“Eight. Almost Nine. His birthday is next month. Christopher Diaz. He has CP. My–,” he hesitated for a moment before continuing. “My husband said he lost his crutches and his glasses, but they got separated.”

“Christopher Diaz. No, not here,” she placed a hand gently on his arm. “You may want to check over there at the black tent.”

Eddie looked over her shoulder at said tent, standing ominously against the building. “But that’s–”

“The morgue. Excuse me.”

His whole world stopped. He tripped his way to the tent barely breathing. He leaned heavily against the side of the building trying to steel himself for what he might find.

He focused on his breathing, trying to will the panic from his chest. When he heard a woman’s voice to his left.

“Hijo, estamos a salvo. Ahora podemos a buscar tu Buck. ¿Bien?”

The second he heard ‘Buck’ he straightened, searching the crowd for his son. Buck wasn’t a common name it had to be– 

“Christopher!”

There was a second of nothing before he heard it. “Daddy?!”

He was on his son in seconds. Practically tackling his small child, placing kisses to his hair. A sob of relief wrenching its way from his throat. 

“Are you Buck?” The woman asked kindly.

“No, I’m Eddie. His father.” 

She nodded smiling, “He was looking for his Buck.” Before leaving them to hold each other.

He carried Chris to a cot and practically begged someone to tell him his son was healthy.

Chris just smiled a bright tired smile, as though he hadn’t just been through a terrible disaster. “Daddy, I’m fine. Bucky saved me. Where is he?” 

“I will radio for him. Don’t worry, mi hijo.”

He stepped away just enough to give the nurse space to work, before reaching for his radio.

“118, do you copy?” 

“Go ahead Eddie.”Bobby responded immediately. 

“I’ve got Christopher. We are at the VA hospital. He’s okay.” 

“Thank god. Has he been looked over? Did you tell Buck?” Hen exclaimed, as Chim and Bobby made similar sentiments.

“He's alive and okay besides some bruises. I’m going to radio the officer from earlier now.” Eddie couldn’t help the small smile on his face. His family was okay. 

“Copy. We are headed your way with survivors now.”

Eddie switched his radio to the open frequency, happy that both of his boys were safe.

“This is Firefighter Eddie Diaz for Mobile One, Officer Ryan. This is Firefighter Eddie Diaz for Mobile One, Officer Ryan.” He repeated a couple times before the radio finally crackled.

“Officer Ryan. Go for Firefighter Diaz.” 

“Sir, we found my son Christopher. Can you send Evan Buckley to the VA hospital?” 

If Eddie was expecting any response it wasn’t the one he got. 

“I’m sorry Mr. Diaz. Your husband left the camp at least an hour ago. I asked him to help with survivors, but he insisted he needed to find your son. He didn’t even wait for an evaluation. He just got his breath back, grabbed a dry shirt from your ladder truck, and headed back out.” 

“He’s gone?” Eddie asked stunned, sinking down to his knees. 

“I’m sorry sir. If we see him again I will radio.” 

He had been happy for one beautiful moment, and then it was shattered again. Buck was out there. Alone. Searching for Christopher. And Eddie didn’t even know if he was hurt… or alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spanish translation: Son, We're safe. Now we can look for your Buck. Good?"
> 
> Thank you to my lovely and wonderful beta, httpstiles <3
> 
> Pretty please comment it fuels me!


	6. He Isn't Coming

Telling Christopher that Buck wasn’t coming– that he was missing– was almost as hard as telling him that his mother died. He couldn’t find the right words. He couldn’t think of a way to tell him that wouldn’t cause the tears he was fighting back to spill over. 

He knelt in front of his sweet boy, gripping his small hand between both of his larger ones. “Buddy, I have to tell you something.”

“Is Bucky coming now?” His voice was small and hoarse, but he didn’t lose his sweet smile.

Eddie kissed his forehead, before answering gently. “No, mi hijo. Bucky can’t come see you right now. He’s still out there looking for you, and Daddy is going to have to go find him.”

Chris just smiled and nodded, eyes full of childlike innocence. “Okay, Daddy. Bucky is probably saving people. He’s like Superman.” 

The lump in Eddie’s throat wouldn’t go away, and unshed tears burned his eyes. “I think he was just looking for you, Buddy, and then got a bit lost. But I will do everything I can to bring him home to you, okay?” 

“Okay, Daddy.” He murmured softly, eyes fluttering closed. 

Eddie stared at his son’s beautiful healthy face, a face he never would have seen again if Buck hadn’t kept him alive through that wave, before taking a deep breath and preparing himself to make the two calls he was dreading, one to Maddie and the other to the team.

The ringing of his phone as he waited to hear Maddie's voice sounded shrill in his ears. 

She picked up almost immediately. “Eddie?”

“Maddie.” He whispered, throat thick with emotion. 

“What’s wrong? Did you find Chris? Is he hurt?”

“Maddie, I found Chris. He’s fine. But… It’s Buck Maddie.” He wanted to cry. How do you tell someone their brother is missing? How do you tell them that he went out in this mess for you, to save the one person he knew you couldn’t lose? 

“What about Buck? Is he hurt?” Her voice developed a frantic edge, and he could tell that she was working hard to keep her cool. 

“He left Med One and went back out to search… without a medical clearance. And I don’t know where he is or where he was going. He’s just gone.”

He listened as she took a deep breath before responding. “I’m coming down there now. Eddie, we need to find him. I can’t lose him.” She hung up without another word.

Eddie slumped onto Christopher’s cot, pulling his exhausted child into his arms, letting tears stream down his face. He was so relieved to have him back, so grateful that the extent of his injuries was a scratch on his cheek and a few bruises. It could have been so much worse. But Buck protected him. He needed to find Buck, but he couldn’t leave Chris alone, so instead he radioed his team. Their team. Hoping they could get a headstart, while he waited for Maddie to come stay with Chris.

“118, do you copy?”

“We are almost to the VA hospital, Eddie. We copy.” Chimney’s voice rang clear through the ringing in his ears.

He took a deep breath trying to figure out what to say, before finally radioing back. “Buck is gone.” 

Bobby’s voice rang loud in his ears. “Repeat that Eddie, what is Buck’s status?” 

Eddie scrubbed a hand over his face, before extracting himself from Chris’s sleeping form and stepping away again. “He’s missing. I don’t know where he is.”

“What happened, Eddie?” “Where was he last?” “What do we know?” All three voices rang out over the radio at once causing their words to jumble together.

“I radioed Med One to have them send Buck to me, but Officer Ryan said he went back out to look for Chris. No medical clearance, just grabbed my spare shirt and took off.” He bit his cheek trying to hold back more tears. “I don’t know where he is. I don’t even know if he’s alive.”

This time only Bobby responded, voice steady and sure. “Eddie, we will find him. It’s Buck. He’s going to survive this. We will drop this load of people off and try to retrace his steps from Med One. Is there someone you trust to watch Chris while you look around the VA and head toward Med One from the opposite direction?” 

“Maddie’s coming.”

“Good. Eddie stay strong. Buck is stronger than any of us.” Bobby assured before the radio went silent. 

He slid down to his knees at Christopher’s bedside, pressing his face in the boy’s hair, listening to the chaos all around them. 

\----------

“Sir. Sir! Can you hear me?” 

Buck groaned a bit in response, but kept his eyes closed tight. All he felt was exhaustion and pain. 

“Sir. I need you to open your eyes. I need you to tell me if you have any medical conditions. What’s your name?” The insistent voice rang in his ears and kept shaking him. 

He refused to open his eyes, but he managed to mumble softly to her. “Clots. Thinners. Find Chris,” before exhaustion pulled him under once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the always wonderful httpstiles for beta reading this!
> 
> Please comment and let me know what you think.


	7. Desperate and Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie searches for Buck... Will he like what he finds?

Eddie counted every slow agonizing minute until Maddie arrived. He needed to be out there, looking for Buck, but he also needed to be patient. He wouldn’t leave his sleeping son alone again— he couldn’t. 

Eventually, kneeling on the floor became too much, and he hefted Chris into his arms, sitting with him on the cot. His quiet breathing ghosting against Eddie’s neck was a constant reminder that his child was alive. 

Hearing Maddie calling his name loudly through the tent was such a relief. He stood quickly when she reached them, falling into her space dropping his head to her shoulder, still clutching Chris in his arms. “Maddie— I’m so sorry. I— I _swear_ I will find him—”

He wanted to cry when she wrapped her arms around them. “Shhh,” she murmured softly, careful not to wake Chris. “I trust you, Eddie. There is no one in this world I trust more with my brother. Now, go. Bring him back to us.”

She delicately slipped her hands around Chris, extracting him from Eddie’s arms, before sinking into the cot with him to wait. Eddie dropped a kiss to Christopher’s forehead, and after a moment of hesitation did the same to Maddie. She may not be his sister, but she was family, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t love her brother. 

Without a backwards glance he took off toward the records tent, nearly barrelling down the woman with the clipboard that had “helped” him earlier. 

“Firefighter Diaz, I remember you,” she grimaced apologetically. “I’m sorry, at last check in your son still wasn’t on my list.”

“Thank you, Ma’am. I actually found my son. He’s in the next tent over with my sister-in-law sleeping,” Eddie said softly, shaking his head. “But he was separated from my— my partner, who left Med One to go back out to search for him alone. Can you check for him, please? Evan Buckley. He goes by Buck, but he might be using Diaz. He— he’s six foot-two, with blond hair an— and blue eyes. There’s a birthmark over his left eye.” Eddie stammered out Buck’s description in a rush, desperate for good news.

She studied her clipboard, and it took everything in him not to rip it from her hands to check for himself. “I’m sorry sir, I don’t have anyone with that name other than his check in at Med One.” She glanced at the black tent that he knew was over his shoulder. “And I don’t have any John Doe’s at the moment who fit his description.”

He nodded, doing his best to give her a small smile, before walking away. He knew that if Buck was out there searching then he probably wouldn’t have stopped to check in at a tent, other than to look for Chris, so just because his name wasn’t on that list, didn’t mean he wasn’t fine. Buck was fine. He had to be. He was so strong— a storm wouldn’t get him, not after everything. 

Eddie wandered slowly to the black tent. He hadn’t had to look in when he was searching for Chris, and he truly didn’t want to now, but he needed to know. He needed to be sure that Buck wasn’t there… waiting to be identified. 

Just as he crouched down to unzip the first body bag, an ambulance screeched to a stop at the hospital entrance. He watched as they unloaded a stretcher, pushing a man toward the front doors. It shouldn’t have caught his attention, not really, but something made him look harder, and that’s when he noticed who it was. The blond hair could have been anyone, but the bands of his arm tattoo were stark against his grimy, blood soaked skin.

“BUCK!”

He staggered to his feet, sprinting across the lot. As he got closer, he could tell that Buck looked so much worse than he ever feared. 

“Buck. Evan... _Baby_,” he murmured, grasping Buck's clammy hand as they walked through the hospital doors. Buck couldn’t hear him, though. He was pale and sweaty, mumbling almost incomprehensibly about Christopher, while staring at the sky with unseeing eyes. 

God, Buck. Eddie had never seen him look so hurt, not even when he was pinned under that truck or while coughing up blood. He had been cracking jokes in the ambulance the first time to dispel some of the tension, and for the second he was unconscious, but relatively normal looking besides his bloody mouth. 

“Sir,” the paramedic said firmly— someone from 134. Eddie just ignored him in favor of watching Buck’s labored breathing. 

“Firefighter Diaz!” He barked out, snapping Eddie out it. 

“I’m sorry,” Eddie murmured apologetically. “His name is Evan Buckley. 118. He had a pulmonary embolism and two clots in his left leg a week ago.” He refused to look away from Buck’s pale face or let go of his hand. “He was out with my— our son,” he added, voice quaking slightly. 

“Okay, you’re doing great, Diaz,” the medic said reassuringly. “We need to get him inside. He’s lost a lot of blood, and he’s running a high fever. At the very least he needs a blood transfusion, but you need to let us get him inside.”

He continued to walk with him, even though it seemed like the paramedic wanted him to stay. “He— He has a rod and screws in his left leg— crush injury. He’s five and a half months post op,” he just continued to ramble on. “His blood type is AB positive, and he’s allergic to coconut. An— and he’s on blood thinners. He takes ten milligrams a day of Warfarin.”

He stepped back, forcing himself to let go as they neared the doors back to surgery, but just as he released Buck’s hand, he watched as the man he loved began to seize violently. 

He tried to follow as they quickly pushed Buck back toward the waiting doctor, but a hand curled tightly around his wrist keeping him in place. 

“No, he needs me.” He yanked hard, trying to dislodge them. “Let me go.”

Bosko’s face swam in his tear blurred vision. “Diaz, Calm down.” 

“I didn’t tell him I love him! He doesn’t know.” He shoved her away hard, panic rising in his chest. “I have to tell him. I can— can’t lose him. He needs to know.”

“Diaz, he knows,” she shoved him back, pinning him to the wall. “You need to let them do their jobs, just like you do every day. Let them save him.”

All the fight drained out of him at her words. He leaned his head back against the wall, tears still pouring freely down his cheeks. “I can’t lose him,” he whispered as she finally released him. 

He sunk down to his knees once she was no longer holding him, like his strings had been cut. He was never going to get to admit his feelings. He had taken too long. He should have told Buck how he felt every single day day since Christmas, but instead he had let fear keep him from doing it and now he had lost him—

A sharp smack to the head brought him out of his self loathing. “Diaz! Your man is here, _alive_.” She crouched down in front of him. “ Did you find your son? Is the 118 still looking for him?”

“Yeah, I found him. He’s fine,” Eddie nodded, not bothering to open his eyes that had slipped shut with a new onslaught of tears. “He’s outside in the big tent with his aunt. B— Buck’s sister, Maddie.”

“Alright. I will go get them,” she squeezed his arm reassuringly, but he just ignored her. The only person who could make this better was unconscious on a gurney somewhere. “You radio your team. If he’s 118, they deserve to know he’s here, too.”

Eddie leaned back against the wall, sprawling his legs out in front of himself haphazardly, not bothering to watch her go. He reached for his radio wearily. “This is 118 Eddie Diaz. Captain Nash, do you copy?”

“Go for Nash. No sign of Buck. Any news there?”

He swallowed hard, Buck was like a son to Bobby, and now Eddie had to be the one to tell him that Buck could be dying. “He— He’s here, at the VA.”

“Status?” 

“Bobby, it’s not looking good,” he took a heaving breath, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice. “You need to get here.”

Bobby was silent for several seconds. “Copy. We’re coming Eddie. Sit tight.” 

He just dropped his radio, not bothering to respond and not caring when it clattered to the floor beside him. In that moment he wished that he could switch places with Buck more than anything else in the world. Buck would know what to do, what to say to the others, and how to make this all bearable. But Eddie just felt like he was going to throw up. His son was alive and his team was coming, but in that moment he had never felt more lost and alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I finally updated. So, thank you to my lovely beta bisexualbucks and the sweet Jecari who helps me because she is an angel. But also forcedintogoodness who read this for me as well!! 
> 
> Pretty please comment and let me know what you think. Love you all <3


	8. When Life Gets Too Hard to Stand, Kneel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Angst because well. I feel like it. There is references to religion in this chapter, namely Catholicism, I am not an expert in religion.

Eddie was exhausted— bone wary from eighteen hours on his feet, but also deeply emotionally exhausted.

Buck was still in surgery, had been for the last few hours. He had been airlifted to a more functional hospital before the team could even make it to the VA. The doctors were worried about internal bleeding and a possible brain bleed, and the VA just wasn’t equipped to help him. 

The whole team was draped over each other, some napping, but Eddie was pacing. He couldn’t calm his racing heart. He had never wanted to wait in a surgery waiting room again— not after last time— but here he was, waiting for news on Buck but also dreading it. 

He felt bad for Maddie. She hadn’t cried since they moved hospitals, instead was just staring vacantly at a wall, waiting to hear if she would lose her baby brother. He wished he was emotionally stable enough to comfort her, but he was a wreck— maybe worse than she was right now.

She was so much stronger than him. When she found him sprawled on the floor of the VA, tear tracks etched down his cheeks, she just silently passed Christopher to Bosko before sliding to the floor and wrapping herself in his lap, where they sobbed together. 

They broke down completely, until a doctor came rushing out to them, telling them that Buck’s injuries were more serious than they thought and he needed to be transferred immediately. Maddie’s back had straightened and her face hardened when she told them to do it. Save him, however necessary. 

Eddie didn’t know how she did it. He was used to this chaos— probably more than she would ever be, but he wasn’t prepared— not to lose Buck. No matter how many times he was hurt, he never got used to the gut wrenching fear that enveloped him. 

This time was worse though, Buck had been injured saving his son— fighting to get him back. God, if he didn’t make it, Eddie would never forgive himself for forcing Buck to go out. 

\--------------------  
After six hours of waiting, the doctor finally came out.

“Family of Evan Buckley-Diaz?”

The whole group stood, some shooting Eddie weird looks, which he ignored. He’d never said that Buck was a Diaz— the doctor at the VA must have assumed. 

They stared at the woman expectantly, but it was Cap who broke their silence. 

“Is he—?” 

The doctor smiled softly, which unclenched Eddie’s heart just a bit. “He’s doing okay. We managed to stop all of the bleeding, pumped him full of fluids and gave him several blood transfusions. He had a broken rib that was puncturing his lung, which caused his lung to collapse on the table, a large laceration to his forearm, some internal bleeding in his abdomen from blunt force trauma, and some slight swelling in his brain, which should go down soon. We believe the nonepileptic seizure he suffered while at the VA was a result of blood loss or the hit he took to the head, and that he is unlikely to have any more, however we will be monitoring him for those as well. If he wakes up, he’ll have some recovery time, but— ”

Eddie’s heart flew back into his throat when the doctor said “_if_”, so much so that he couldn’t stop himself from interrupting. “I— If?” he managed to stammer out.

The doctor turned to him and her face softened. “We see no apparent reason that he won’t wake up, however, the brain is very sensitive, as you know, and he’s doing much better than when he got here, but there is a chance that he won’t. We really just have to give him some time. A nurse will come out to bring you to his room shortly.”

As she walked away, Eddie’s legs grew weak, and a sob tore through his throat. All at once someone launched themselves at him, forcing him to stumble back in shock before he regained his balance and wrapped his arms around them. He didn’t even need to open his eyes to know that once again he had an armful of Maddie, who had finally broke down again and was sobbing steadily against his neck. 

She was mumbling so softly he could barely hear. “We— we can’t lose him, Eddie. I can’t. Not again. And you mean so much to him. He won’t leave you. He can’t,” she gasped wetly. “Oh God, please.” 

The rest of the team slowly enveloped them— soothing words and more sobbing joined their own. Eventually Chimney gently pried Maddie out of his arms, carrying her to a chair and holding her as she renewed her crying, and Eddie stepped back to his oblivious sleeping child. He was thankful that the crying circle hadn’t disturbed him— he was only eight and it had been such a hard day already. He didn’t need to know that they could lose his Buck. His Buck who was like a second parent nowadays. 

He buried his face in his hands. This was like Shannon all over again. Only this time, he might never get the chance to tell Buck he loved him— or the chance to even _try_ with Buck. 

After what seemed like an eternity, a tired looking nurse came out to get them. “Buckley-Diaz Family?” 

But when they all stood, she shook her head quickly. “I’m sorry, only two at a time are allowed in the ICU.”

Eddie was stunned when Maddie stood, wiped her eyes, and grabbed his hand tugging him alone after the nurse. Surely Bobby should go first— Buck was like a son to him. 

Eddie looked back helplessly at his own son, but Hen shook her head and mouthed, “Go.” So he did. He went and stood tentatively outside of the room, afraid of what he would see— terrified to see Buck look broken. 

When he finally stepped in, Maddie was crying softly, holding Buck’s hand. He looked so small, hooked up to tubes and wires. But it was the bruising and cuts to his face, and the tube down his throat that made it all so devastating. So real. They could lose him to this. After everything, even the wave. They could lose him to blood loss and cuts. 

Eddie couldn’t move any closer, couldn’t bear to see or touch Buck when he looked so breakable. Just the sight of him, was enough to bring bile to his mouth. He couldn’t be there. He needed to leave. He couldn’t breathe in there. Not while watching a respirator breathe for Buck. He needed to—

Eddie stepped out of the room gasping for air— panic constricting his heart. He leaned against the wall opposite Buck’s room, sliding down to sit on the floor once again. 

He slipped his phone out of his pocket, quickly dialing his Abuela for the second time that night. 

She picked up quickly, probably waiting by the phone for an update. “Hola, Eddie. ¿Cómo estás?”

“Abuela, por favor,” tears pouring down his face once again. “Ora por mi Buck. Puede ser que el no despierte de estado de coma. Dios, Abuela. What will I do without him? I— I can’t lose him, Abuela.” He couldn’t bite back a sob at his words. 

“Hijo, respira. Buck es muy fuerte. Rezaré. He will wake up. ,” she promises, her voice soothing, just as it was when he was a small child— just as it was when Shannon first left him, and when she died. 

Eddie took a rasping breath. “I didn’t tell him I love him.”

“You will tell him,” she said confidently. “Now, my Christopher. ¿El está bien?”

“Sí Sí, he’s sleeping.”

“Muy bien. ¿Necesitas que vaya?” He knew she would come, in a heartbeat if he asked, but he couldn’t see her. He wouldn’t be able to hold his emotions back even the tiniest bit if she was there to soothe him. 

“No, we are okay. I’ll call you if I need to, or Carla. I don’t want you driving in this mess.”

She tutted softly at him, but she didn’t voice her concern. “Okay, te quiero mi nieto.”

“Te quiero Abuela,” he whispered before slipping his phone back in his pocket and leaning hard against the wall. Eddie silently prayed— prayed harder than he had in fifteen years and harder than he ever did in Sunday School. He needed Buck to wake up. He needed to see those big blue eyes again, his brilliant smile, or even his angry glare, just something. He needed to hear Buck’s sweet laugh, the laugh that made him impossibly happy. This couldn’t be the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well What do you think? I would love to hear your thoughts.
> 
> The lovely bisexualbucks beta read for me and was perfect as usual. Several others took the time to read this to help with my Spanish, including RegnaeGodzilla, Yeri, Kyle, and Dustin. And my sweet friend Jecari reads pretty much all my fic. 
> 
> **Spanish Translations: **  
“Hola, Eddie. ¿Cómo estás?” : Hello, Eddie. How are you?
> 
> “Abuela, por favor, Ora por mi Buck. Puede ser que el no despierte de estado de coma. Dios, Abuela." : Grandma, please. Pray for my Buck. He may not wake up from a coma. God, Grandma. 
> 
> “Hijo, respira. Buck es muy fuerte. Rezaré." : Son, Breathe. Buck is very strong. I will pray for him. 
> 
> ¿El está bien?” : He is okay?
> 
> “Muy bien. ¿Necesitas que vaya?” Very Good. Do I need to come?
> 
> Okay, te quiero mi nieto.” Okay, I love you, my grandson. 
> 
> “Te quiero Abuela,” I love you Grandma.


	9. Is This a Dream, Have I woken Up at All?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I'm back!!! Here is some more angsty post tsunami drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING:
> 
> DEATH/DYING TALK  
Buck does not die in this fic. I cannot handle major character death as a person. So it will never happen in one of my fics. However, there will be references to the extent of his injuries and the fact that he could have died. There is also some talk at the very end that may be triggering regarding him thinking he would have been better off dying. It is short in this chapter. 
> 
> Please do not read if these types of things may trigger you. If there are tags that I can tag this better for you please let me know.

Waking up disoriented and in pain was frightening for anyone, even Buck who had seen the inside of a hospital room way too many times in the last year. 

His brain felt fuzzy and there was a really annoying _beeping_ sound that just wouldn’t stop. His eyes were closed and felt too heavy to even open. Worst of all,he couldn’t tell why everything hurt. 

Then, all at once, memories came rushing back to him— the tsunami, blood dripping down his arm, _Christopher_.

He forced his eyes open in a panic, not sure where he was or how long he’d been unconscious. 

Ignoring all of his pain, he shoved himself into a sitting position looking around frantically and trying to get his bearings, barely registering that he was in the hospital. He needed to get back out there— needed to find Christopher. He looked around his empty hospital room, trying to ignore how his chest clenched when he realized that no one was there— not even Maddie. He was alone. But he swallowed those emotions down. There was a tsunami. Of course the team wasn’t here, they were out there— actually saving lives, unlike him. He tugged off the oxygen mask, before ripping the sensors off his chest all at once, hoping the sting would pull his mind away at least a little. 

The machines in the room blared loudly as he tried to wrestle himself out of bed, but before he could even swing his legs over a nurse was there, pushing him back down into bed and speaking slowly to him. 

“Mr. Buckley, you are in the hospital. Please try not to move too much, you just had surgery. If you keep trying to get out of bed, then I will have to sedate you.”

“Christopher,” he rasped, eyes filling with tears. “I have to go find him. He’s out there still.”

Realization dawned on her face as her eyes softened. “Mr. Buckley, your son is fine. I just saw him ten minutes ago. He was going to get jello.”

Buck blinked at her, confusion welling in his chest. “You saw... _Christopher?_ Going to get jello?”

She smiled at him gently, but didn’t let up her grasp on his shoulders. “He’s safe. I promise. He’s got brown hair right? And cerebral palsy?”

He nodded his head, but still tried to sit up in bed. If his head wasn’t so sluggish and his body didn’t hurt so bad, then the smaller woman wouldn’t have been able to hold him down, but at the moment she was definitely enough to at least stifle his attempt to move. “I need to see him. Please I need to go see him.” 

“We are paging him to come up now, Mr. Buckley. Please lay back down. You’re going to tear your stitches.”

Buck barely heard her, his mind was swimming— was Chris hurt? Would Chris even want to see him? Would Eddie let him see Chris?— why did everything hurt so badly?

He groaned and his vision swam slightly, but his attention snapped up when his hospital door banged open revealing a slightly frazzled looking Eddie cradling Christopher in his arms. 

Buck stared at Eddie silently, still not calm enough for the nurse to let him go. 

“Mr. Diaz, your husband is awake, as you can see, but we will have to sedate him if he doesn’t stop fighting me.” The nurse stated wearily, hold loosening ever so slightly at the sight of the other man. 

“Evan,” Eddie said softly, his eyes boring demanding holes into Buck’s body. “Relax. Now.” Buck went limp at the quiet command, eyes following Eddie as he moved closer, not even registering the nurse releasing him or the quiet sigh she let out as she reattached all of the sensors into their proper positions or her refitting the oxygen mask over his face. 

He didn’t look away until Eddie slid Chris gently down onto the bed on Buck’s good side.When Chris curled gently into his side, he couldn’t help but break their gaze to watch the boy breathe. 

The heat from Chris’ body and the relief that he was actually okay made succumbing to the exhaustion easier. He fought it for as long as he could, wanting to stay awake to watch Chris sleep, but when his eyes started to close Eddie ran a hand over his cheek lightly. “Go to sleep now. We’ll be here when you wake up.” As sleep took him, he could have sworn he felt Eddie’s lips brush against his head. 

\--------  
The next time Buck woke up was a lot easier. It was less like coming up out of the water and more like waking from a dream. 

He could hear low voices, just making out the sounds of Bobby and Hen even if he couldn’t hear their words, but for a few minutes he just lied there with his eyes closed relishing in the fact that his family was actually here. They hadn’t left him alone, even though he deserved it for losing Chris, whose small body was warm against his side a constant reminder that he was alive— that they were both alive. 

He leaned down towards Chris, whose head was pillowed against his shoulder, rubbing his head in the boy’s hair, sighing. He was so glad that he was safe, that someone out there had saved this little boy even if he couldn’t. 

A hand curled around his ankle, startling him slightly making his eyes snap open. He blinked several times to focus, taking a moment to realize he was staring at Bobby. 

“Hey, kiddo,” Bobby murmured, mindful of the sleeping child, but also for Chim and Maddie who were curled around each other, sleeping in a chair beside his bed, and Eddie who was on Buck’s other side, slumped over. His head was pillowed on Buck’s thigh warm breath ghosting against Buck’s skin even through the blanket. 

“Hey,” he managed to rasp out, throat dry and sore from both screaming, and if he had to guess, a tube down his throat at some point as well. “How long?” 

He could see that Eddie was still in his uniform, unbuttoned and wrinkled, but the others had at least changed. 

Bobby sighed softly. “Two days since the wave. You had surgery yesterday at about three in the morning, it’s just after eight in the morning now. The first time you woke up was at around five a.m.”

Buck winced slightly. That was a long time to be unconscious. “Bad?” he whispered, afraid to know the damage. 

“We almost lost you,” Bobby murmured, hand tightening slightly on Buck’s ankle. “You lost a lot of blood and had to be airlifted here.” 

Buck let his head fall back into the pillows, turning those words over in his head. Going back to the job didn’t seem like as big of a deal compared to a tsunami, but damn did he want to work again, and it just felt like the world was against him.

The door opened softly, revealing Hen and a nurse. She had probably slipped out when Bobby realized he was awake. “Hey, Buckaroo. Welcome back.” She smiled at him, carefully walking around Eddie to press a kiss to his forehead. 

He smiled softly. “I couldn’t leave my family, now could I?” 

She laughed wetly at him. 

He let the nurse check his I.V., switch his mask for a nasal cannula, and ask him some questions before turning back to Hen and Bobby.

“Have you guys gone home yet? You worked at least a twelve hour shift and all of you look exhausted.” 

They grimaced and exchanged glances, which Buck figured meant they hadn’t. 

“We went back to the firehouse to shower, change, and bring back the engine. Maddie and Eddie stayed here, though. Chris refused to leave until you were awake. He was screaming and crying when he woke up and you were asleep attached to machines. Maddie wanted to be able to talk to all the doctors and nurses, but she was afraid you’d wake up alone.” Buck winced— he had woken up alone. 

Buck stared down at Chris’ sleep slack face, grateful that he was at least resting, but when he stared down at Eddie, he could tell that the man needed a shower and a bed. Badly. 

“You guys should go home, sleep and be with your families. I’m awake now and I feel okay— sore and tired, but I’m alive.” He could see the reluctance in both of them, but refused to take no for an answer. “I want to rest some and I won’t if I’m worried about you guys being exhausted. Will you wake Maddie?”

Hen gently shook Maddie, whose head snapped up so fast he could barely follow it. “Evan...” she whispered, tears already streaming down her face. 

“Hey, Mads,” he smiled gently, but he was sure that his bruised face didn’t help with the fear and anxiety swimming in her face. “I’m okay now, promise. You know me, I can’t get through a disaster without some good hospital food.” She laughed, before untangling herself from Chimney. 

Buckbarely flinched when her hair curtained over his face and she sobbed softly into his hair.

When she pulled back and his vision was no longer obscured, he was surprised to see that Eddie and Chris were still sound asleep, which only furthered his belief that they needed to get out of this hospital as well. 

“Maddie, go home. Get some sleep. Take a shower. I’m not going anywhere.” She looked down at Eddie and Chris, before nodding and allowing Chimney and Hen to lead her from the room. Bobby just squeezed his ankle one last time before following after them.

Buck watched Eddie sleep for a long time, wishing that his hand wasn’t clasped tightly in Eddie’s, so that he could run his fingers through Eddie’s hair. 

“Eddie,” he whispered, tightening his grip in Eddie’s hand. 

Eddie snapped up, eyes frantically searching for danger— first with Chris, then meeting Buck’s eyes and sighing in relief. “Gracias a Dios puedo ver esos ojos otra vez.” 

Before Buck could respond though Chris twisting in Buck’s arms. “Bucky!” 

His voice was a little hoarse, but overall he didn’t look too bad as Buck scanned his little grinning face. “Hey, buddy,” he murmured softly, pulling Chris a little tighter to his better side. 

Eddie ran a gentle hand over Chris’ hair and just watched them silently, but Buck could see the weariness in his face. 

“Alright, Superman,” Buck said, shifting himself and Chris into a sitting position, carefully holding back a groan from the pain. “I’m awake now, so I think it’s time for you and your dad to go sleep in a real bed.”

The protests were immediate and surprisingly came from both Diaz men. 

“But, Buck—”

“Evan, we’re fine here—”

Buck laughed as much as he could with his injuries. “Nope, not taking no for an answer on this one. Not even with those pouty eyes from the both of you. Go home and get some real sleep, and eat something that doesn’t come from this cafeteria.” He eyed Eddie sternly. “Call Isabel or Aunt Pepa to come get you, though, because no offense Eddie, but I think you look worse than me.”

“That’s not hard, Buckley. You’re just so pretty.” Eddie chuckled before stepping outside to call someone to get them. 

He was leaving Buck alone with Chris, again, as though he hadn’t just lost his son and almost got him killed. Buck wanted to scream at Eddie, demand he take Chris with him and never leave them alone together again, but he kept quiet instead, heart clenching at the thought that this might be the last time he was allowed to hold Chris in his arms— maybe Eddie was only allowing it because Chris was upset and hurt. 

Chris seemed to understand that Buck wanted him close, so he wrapped his tiny arms around Buck’s neck carefully, mindful of the wires and Buck’s injuries. “I’m ha- happy you're awake, Bucky.”

Buck hummed, leaning his head down against the top of Chris’ just breathing him in. If this was the last time, then he wanted to remember it perfectly. 

And that’s how Eddie found them a few minutes later, just wrapped around each other, quiet tears streaming down Buck’s cheeks and a content smile on Chris’ once again sleeping face. 

But unfortunately for Buck, it was time for them to go. Eddie smiled apologetically and squeezed his hand three times before slipping Chris out of his arms. 

“We’ll come see you soon,” he promised, sounding so sincere it hurt. 

But Buck shook his head. “Get him situated first. He needs new crutches and he probably needs to see at least a few doctors, and maybe a therapist. It was traumatic, Eddie. Make sure he’s okay. I’m in the hospital and nothing bad is going to happen to me here, and I’m sure Maddie will come and bug all of the nurses as soon as she’s slept.”

Eddie looked like he wanted to protest, but in the end, he just didn’t have the energy, so he nodded and squeezed Buck’s hand one more time before slipping out the door, leaving Buck alone once again. The silence sounded like waves crashing in his ears. 

But he didn’t deserve to be anywhere near that child, not after what happened. He deserved to be alone. Part of him wished he had just not woken up at all. What good was he to anyone if he couldn’t save the people he loved?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my lovely beta, bisexualbucks!! I would never be able to survive this without you. You are utter perfection. 
> 
> The spanish line Eddie says is:
> 
> Gracias a Dios puedo ver estos ojos otra vez : Thank God I get to see those eyes again. 
> 
> This was translated by google translated and read by several spanish speakers. I am not a spanish speaker. So if there is something wrong feel free to let me know kindly please. 
> 
> This is beta read, however I add things because I'm an asshole, so my mistakes are my own. They are my fault. 
> 
> Please please please let me know what you think.


	10. Nightmares and Insecurities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck and Chris are both dealing with the aftermath. But Buck's insecurities are really getting the best of him.

Eddie wanted to go right back to the hospital as soon as they left, but Buck was right. Christopher needed to be settled and they both really needed some good sleep. 

But that sleep didn’t come easy. 

Christopher had been exhausted at the hospital and slept soundly in bed with Buck, but as soon as they got home and Eddie tried to get him to lay down in his own bed, he was a mess. 

“No! Daddy, don’t leave me,” Christopher sobbed, when Eddie kissed his head and moved to shut off the light. 

Eddie ran a soothing hand through Chris’ curls before shifting onto the bed, lifting his son into his arms and rocking him gently. “I’m right here, buddy. I’m not leaving you.”

Eventually Chris’ sobs tapered off to hiccups. “I— I want my Buck. He should be here, too. We left him. He’s a— alone.”

Eddie didn’t know what to say because they  _ had _ left Buck alone in the hospital. 

“Bud,” he says gently, “Buck has to stay at the hospital right now or else he would be right here with you. Once he’s all better he can come play with you.”

“And sleep here?” Chris asked, wide eyes brimming with tears.

“I’m sure if you ask him then he will sleep here with you.” Eddie kissed Christopher’s forehead as he laid back against his chest. 

“B—Buck protects me. I need him here.” Chris murmured, barely awake. 

Eddie couldn’t help but grimace at the implication of him not protecting his son. “For now, I’ll protect you, okay?”

Chris nodded, giggling softly. “You always protect me, Daddy.” He burrowed his face even more into Eddie’s chest, yawning. “But Mommy is in heaven, so we have Bucky.” 

Eddie sat dumbstruck as Chris finally drifted off to sleep. 

Did Chris see Buck as a replacement for his mom?

\---------------------

Things didn’t get easier over the next two days. Every time Eddie thought they would get a chance to go back to the hospital together or that maybe he could sneak away to go by himself, there was something that went wrong. 

Chris was barely sleeping, and when he did, the nightmares woke them both up not long after he’d finally succumbed. His terrified screams ripped through the house at all hours of the night. 

He had a panic attack about washing his hands the first morning home, which took so long to calm that they were almost late for his check-up appointment. He was using his spare set of crutches which were taking some getting used to, but at least the doctor had said his health was okay. 

He did need to see a psychiatrist, though. The doctor made it clear that panic attacks and nightmares were expected, but it was better to talk it out. 

After two days of stress, Eddie just wanted a nap, but he also really wanted to check on Buck. He didn’t have a phone because of the wave, so Eddie hadn’t spoken to him at all which was grating on his nerves. He missed him. He was also worried— he hated him being alone there. 

Eddie was helping Chris out of the car to spend the evening with his Abuela, when his phone rang shrilly. 

He smiled down at Chris, who took off toward the porch where Abuela was waiting, some of his normal enthusiasm finally showing, before finally answering. 

“Hello, this is Eddie Diaz.”

“Good afternoon, Mr. Diaz. This is Nurse Megan with Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. I’m calling in regards to your partner, Evan Buckley.” Eddie hummed, so she continued. “He made it clear on his discharge forms that he didn’t have a phone at the moment, but he forgot the bag with his medications, so we thought we’d give you a call. You are listed as his emergency contact.” 

Eddie leaned back against the truck, confused. “When was he discharged? I’m sorry, I was at an appointment with our son and didn’t realize he would be coming home today.”

He could hear the clicking of her computer keys. “It looks like it's only been about two hours. I’m sorry if I ruined the surprise,” she chuckled. “Will you be picking up his bag for him? He shouldn’t drive on his medications.”

“Yes, of course. I’ll head there now.” Eddie hung up with a sigh and ran a hand through his hair roughly. Why hadn’t Buck called him? Eddie would have come for him in a heartbeat. Didn’t he want them there with him?

  
  


\----------------------------

Buck leaned heavily on the elevator rail as it ascended to his apartment. He’d managed to convince the doctors to send him home less than two days after waking up, which was really only because they needed the space for other victims of the tsunami and that the staff thought he lived with his ‘husband,’ who would be keeping an eye on him. But he wasn’t about to correct them and be forced to stay. 

Thankfully, Carla picked him up from the hospital— no questions asked. He was surprised that he managed to convince her that he was okay to be by himself, though. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but damn did his leg hurt, and his ribs still ached when he moved. 

When he finally made it inside, he eyed the stairs warily before opting to curl up on the couch instead. He was exhausted, both from healing and from the nightmares that had interrupted his sleep the last two nights. 

He tried to just shut everything out and finally sleep, but his mind wouldn’t stop racing— flashes of the tsunami and Christopher filling his head every time he shut his eyes. He could hear Christopher screaming for him repeatedly, like a broken record. He couldn’t help but wonder if Chris was okay— if he was having nightmares too, or if he had gone to the doctor. Not knowing was making him nervous. 

Buck would just ask Eddie if everything was okay, if only he still had a phone. 

Well, maybe. 

He rolled over, hiding his face in the cushions and wincing slightly when his ribs flared. 

Eddie hadn’t tried to see him since he sent them home. He knew it was better that way— for everyone to be home where they belonged and not making themselves sick at his bedside. For Eddie and Chris to be home safe. But maybe Eddie had finally realized that the whole thing was Buck’s fault. He had probably decided that Buck wasn’t worth keeping around and would probably keep Chris as far away from him as possible, which wouldn’t be hard since this was just another set of injuries keeping him from his family at the 118. They had stayed at the hospital, but only because he was dying. They didn’t want him back— didn’t need him. 

Buck was alone again. First he lost the 118 and now Eddie and Chris. Would getting better even be worth it?

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... This took forever. But the motivation gods finally gave me what I needed to finish this chapter. 
> 
> Thank you a million percent to my lovely and brilliant Beta autumnchills. If you haven't checked out their fics, you should head that way!! 
> 
> Thanks for being patient with me! Please let me know what you think.


	11. Cradled in My Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk it all out.

Somehow, he managed to drift off despite the agonizing thoughts and suffocating loneliness he was experiencing. But too soon, pounding on his door jolted him awake, ripping a pained moan from his throat as he fell off the couch and tugged at his injuries. Late afternoon light blinded him as he tried to sit up while disoriented. He managed to pull himself to his feet, massaging his leg before slowly walking to the door, but he was only halfway across the room when a key turned in the lock and it banged open— nearly sending his bike off the wall. 

Eddie stood silhouetted in the doorway, breathing heavily, eyes raking over Buck. 

“Hey, Eddie,” Buck said weakly. 

Eddie sighed with relief, leaning heavily against the frame. “You scared the hell out of me.”

He watched with furrowed brows as Eddie dropped a bag on the counter and closed the gap between them in three strides. 

Buck flinched slightly when Eddie’s arms suddenly wrapped around his injured body. He could tell Eddie was being careful, but he was so damn confused about what Eddie was doing there. It didn’t help that he wanted to bury his face in Eddie’s throat and just collapse. 

Eddie pulled away quickly, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. “Sorry, did I hurt you?”

He shook his head, staring at the ground, still trying to figure out why the hell Eddie was even there.

“Why didn’t you call me? I would have come to get you…” He ran a hand over Buck’s battered face. “Taken you home with me to get better.”

Buck shrugged, finally looking up into Eddie’s concerned eyes. “Why would you want to? I lost your son.” 

Eddie’s face fell, but Buck couldn’t stand to look at him. He shoved away from Eddie’s warmth, curling back up on the couch as carefully as he could. He didn’t need to see it on Eddie’s face that he had failed them. He knew it already. 

He could hear Eddie pacing the room, but he refused to turn over and watch him— not until a hand laid gently on Buck’s lower back. 

“Evan,” Eddie murmured. “Can you look at me?”

Buck sighed, squeezing his eyes shut tightly, before turning over to face Eddie. 

Eddie ran his thumb over Buck’s cheekbone soothingly until he finally opened his eyes. 

“There you are,” Eddie murmured, not taking his hand off Buck’s cheek. “Can we talk about this now?” 

Buck sighed, refusing to meet Eddie’s eyes. But he shoved himself into a sitting position with a wince. 

Buck waited, wringing his hands together anxiously. But Eddie just placed his hand over Buck’s clasped hands and said, “You  _ saved _ Christopher.” 

Buck opened his mouth to protest, but Eddie squeezed his hands and continued. “No. You saved him. He would not be alive today without you.”

“I lost him.” Buck hissed. “He’s your whole world and I lost him. He could have died.”

Angry tears poured down Buck’s face. Just thinking about Chris being lost, afraid, hurt, or dying made him so unbelievably angry. 

He flinched when Eddie wiped his tears away so gently. The kindness was unexpected. He was just waiting for Eddie to get angry— this was his son, his  _ only _ son, and Buck could have killed him. 

“Why are you being nice to me?” Buck mumbled. “You should hate me.”

Eddie scoffed. “Buck, we almost lost you. Chris was missing, but so were you. I had just found Chris and tried to call for you, but you were missing and he was asking for his Buck. He wasn’t the only one missing that day. I had to search for you, too. And then you almost died. I watched you seize and they wheeled you away from me and there was nothing I could do. ” 

“Oh...” He never even thought that Eddie would be looking for him, or that anyone would care that he was hurt. He gets hurt all the time. By now, everyone should just be used to it. Besides Maddie, it was not like anyone would really miss him if he died, and Maddie has Chimney now, so she’d get over it. Besides, everyone else has families and lives that are more important than him. Eddie has Chris. Bobby has Athena and the kids. Hen has her family. His parents are awful people so they wouldn’t care. He loved them all, especially Eddie and Chris, but it’s not like he’d ever tell him. Also, Eddie had never mentioned being into anyone but women, so it was just better in the long run to not to make his best friend feel weird or even not talk to him anymore. 

Eddie squeezed his hand gently pulling him from his thoughts. “You okay?”

Buck nodded, blushing slightly, and scrubbing away the dried tears from his cheeks. 

  
  
  


“How did you even know I was home, man?” Buck blurted out, steering the conversation away from his thoughts about his best friend. 

Eddie got up and grabbed the bag he brought with him. “The hospital called me, since I’m your ‘husband’ and you have no phone.” He dropped the bag in Buck’s lap. “You forgot your meds.”

Buck eyed the bag warily. He hated being medicated, it made him feel weak. 

“And since you’re obviously not taking care of yourself already, since you’ve been sitting here for hours in pain. You’re coming home with me. You saved my son, Buck, and we are going to save you. Even if it’s from yourself.”

“I almost got your son killed!” Buck snarled, angry once again. “I am not your husband, and I don’t even know why you’d want me as a friend. Just leave!”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “You saved  _ our _ son. And I never told them I wasn’t your husband, if anything I’ve encouraged it. I wasn’t going to let them keep you from me. Not ever.”

Buck slumped back into the couch. “Why would you do that?” Hope built in his chest and he squashed it down quickly. 

Eddie sat on the edge of the coffee table, running his hands over his knees. “There is no one in this world I would rather be with than you. Even if you were only calling me your husband as a way for you to explain who Chris was, you mean something to me and I couldn’t make myself deny it.”

Buck gaped at Eddie, opening and closing his mouth trying to figure out if Eddie meant what he thought he meant. It sounded kind of like Eddie  _ liked _ him. But he didn’t want to assume things. 

Eddie spoke again before Buck’s mouth could finally work. “I’m not going to try to push my feelings on you, Buck. I just want to make sure you get better—”

“Feelings?” Buck managed to croak out, cutting him off. 

Eddie shrugged. “I assumed I was pretty obvious about it. I’m gone on you, Evan. I’m in love with you. I was terrified I’d lose you without telling you.”

Buck stared at Eddie, trying to process what he was saying. But Eddie’s face started to fall before he could even think to make a fully formed sentence, so he launched himself into Eddie’s arms, not caring about his injuries, just pressing his lips gently to Eddie’s for the first time. Trying to pour all the love he felt into a kiss, since he just couldn’t find the words to describe everything he had held in for so long. 

When they broke apart Eddie smiled softly, down at Buck to where he was now cradled in Eddie’s arms. “So, I guess you’re okay with me loving you?”

“I love you, Eddie.” Buck murmured shyly, nuzzling into Eddie’s chest. 

Eddie laughed happily, pressing his lips to Buck’s forehead.

  
  


After a few minutes of cuddling awkwardly half on the coffee table, Eddie shifted them carefully to the couch, keeping Buck wrapped in his arms, so Buck could rest his head against Eddie’s shoulder and stretch his bad leg out on the couch. It was still awkward since Buck was so tall and he was still injured, but it was comfortable and loving. 

“So Chris wants to see you and he made me promise to ask you when you were home if we could have a sleepover, and you obviously need some help taking care of yourself,” Eddie said softly. “He’s also been having bad nightmares and says you will protect him. So, will you come stay with us? Or is that moving this relationship too quickly?”

“I think Chris sleepovers are just what I need to help with my nightmares, too. And I’ve been wanting to tell you I’ve loved you for months, so it’s not too quick for me. If you’ll have me, Husband?” Buck asked looking up at him with a grin. 

“Always, Husband.” Eddie huffed out a laugh, pulling Buck in for another soft kiss. 

Who knows? In a few months, maybe they will actually be Mr. and Mr. Buckley-Diaz. Hopefully it won’t take another disaster to get them to make a move, though. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it guys. I finally finished it. Sorry it took forever. This year has obviously been hellish for all of us. 
> 
> Hope you love it<3 I love you all. 
> 
> Send some comments my way and let me know what you think. 
> 
> As Always thank you a million times to my forever beta, Autumnchills who beta read this entire thing even though it took me a lifetime to write. You are a beautiful human.   
And thank you to Jecari for bouncing Ideas with me, who knows where I would be without you my darling. Probably in the depths of despair.


End file.
